Not Made For The Algorithm

When The Music Isn't Enough

I’ve been pursuing music independently and seriously for the past 10 years. That said, I don’t feel like I really honed in until my late twenties and early thirties. Before that, I worked in studios and made music for years without really releasing anything. I didn’t feel ready to start the chapter publicly until late 2019.

I had just released my first real body of work and played my first show. I was lucky enough to be asked to perform at School Night. The momentum was starting to build and then Covid hit. Everything stopped. But honestly, I needed that pause. It lined up with personal healing and health I had been putting off. In a strange way, the world slowing down matched where I was internally.

2019 School Night

2019 School Night

I’ve experienced a lot of heartbreak in the music industry. Some of it personal. Some of it professional. Some of it traumatic. One of the most painful chapters involved an ex who was also in the industry and the people around him. I’m still not ready to talk about it fully. I might never be.

What I will say is I lost my first major opportunity because the people in power chose loyalty to him and his family over me. I didn’t speak out. I stayed quiet. It was confusing and devastating and it sent me into a spiral I spent years trying to climb out of. Not just creatively but emotionally. That kind of rejection doesn’t just sting. It rewires how you see yourself.

And yet here I am.

Even now, I still experience PTSD from some of those events, almost 10 years later. Therapy has helped me find peace. I’m hoping to begin EMDR soon to go even deeper in that healing. I truly believe everything happens for a reason, and I believe I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

Sometimes, I feel like time was stolen from me. Like the years of pain and poor decisions delayed things. But I don’t blame myself. I was in my early twenties. I really lived. And now, I want to help people through my words, my music, my art, my story. That’s my goal every single day when I wake up.

The algorithm has also been brutal. Ever since I changed my Instagram handle during Covid, I haven’t been able to get back to where I was. It’s been a quiet defeat that continues to affect me deeply. And unfortunately, I can’t change it back without a record label. But it’s on my list. I regret changing my name every day. Oops!

Spotify Editorial Playlisting is where every independent artist wants to land. I’m constantly asking people, how do I make a Spotify editorial? I never really get a straight answer. I’ve found that money might have something to do with it, as well as connections or a record label. But I’m still not sure. It feels like there’s a secret door, and no one will tell you how to get the key. There’s no team of investors behind me. It’s just me trying to make something beautiful and get it to the people who need it. I find myself scrambling to come up with solutions.

As an independent artist, we’re expected to write the song, record the music, mix, master, and shoot content photos and videos all on our own time and dollars. It’s a lot. But I’ve been fortunate to work with incredible collaborators, producers, songwriters, photographers, hair and makeup artists, cinematographers, and directors. These people have worked with me simply because they believed in me. That part humbles me every day.

I’ve also had opportunities that I know people dream of, and I do not take them for granted. I live in gratitude. And I keep going. Every time I’ve come close to quitting, something in me tells me not to. So I listen. And I stay.

Especially with how fast the world moves these days, my creativity sometimes feels like the only thing I truly have left. But some days I ask myself, what’s the point? My music isn’t being heard. I’m constantly trapped in algorithm jail. I want to connect. I want to show up. But it feels like I’m always working against a wall.

Here’s the thing about being a creative. You don’t get to opt out. You can’t not create. I am not whole without it.

I’ve done other jobs in the past couple of years. I loved nannying until I didn’t. I worked briefly at a weed dispensary while sober. That was entertaining. PR was absolutely not for me. I was great at connecting people, so great my boss used my verification checkmark to DM people for her. I was having to message people I’ve never met and pitch them on these events or ideas. It was awkward for me but it was a job.

Every day I showed up for those jobs, I felt I was missing something. Because I’m a creative. That’s not a title, it’s a heartbeat. And as hard as this path can be, anything can be hard. That’s why it’s worth doing something you love.

Now I’m thankful. I have a job I enjoy, one that’s still in the industry, that gives me flexibility and freedom.

As I navigate my 30s, I sometimes find myself googling things like “Nursing school,” “Glendale Community College,” “How to make 5k fast,” or even “Astrology school.” Do I go back to school? Do I start a whole new life? I don’t know.

I quickly come back to reality…

I just started on a new project and some days I think, how am I going to do this? But I will. I always figure it out. I’m leaning more into the fun of it now instead of putting so much pressure on myself. I trust. I surrender.

I’ve been writing for the past nine months on my couch with my guitar, quietly plotting my next chapter. I’m definitely in a different era than when I started Canyon Daddy, and that feels exciting. Instead of forcing myself to jump right back into consistent sessions, I let myself breathe a little. I gave my voice space to grow.

Stillness, I’ve found, can sometimes be the best thing you can do for creativity.

At the end of the day I can’t control an algorithm. I can only control my work. So that’s what I focus on.

If you feel like you’re hitting a wall in the music industry as an independent artist, same. Hi, I’m Kayslee. I know the ache. The obsession. The gift that sometimes feels like a curse. This is all I’ve ever been able to do. And honestly it’s the only thing that makes sense.

Keep creating. Tune out the noise. Trust your gut. Trust your work. Stay grounded. But whatever you do, do not settle.

You’ve got this.

Until next time-

Sincerely, still here.